Pop Culture Kills

Oregon
Supernatural
Horror
Intelligence
Team

Jack Maraglia, Director

First of all allow me to thank and commend Andrew Migliore not only for publishing this letter, but for continuing his efforts in the field of raising the general public's awareness of the Un-Dead threat. Now in its fourth year, the Undead Film Festival, AKA: Zompire has been bringing the Pacific Northwest the very cutting edge of informational debriefings. From two minute shorts to the feature length, what Migliore presents to you, in one weekend is of dire value the whole calendar year. As funny ha-ha as some of the Zompire fare may be, it is at its core “infotainment”. Information dressed up in wooden stakes and cricket bats that can be used to keep you breathing and thinking one more day ahead of the shambling, flesh eating pack. But information is like luck; it's a neutral idea, it can both be good or bad.

Which brings me to my second and main point: Popular culture can kill you. Awareness is the initial step towards humanity preservation, don't get me wrong but not all you see on the screen or read in a book are there to aid you in our fight against the Un-Dead. In fact some of what you take in is actually misinformation planted by the expired abominations themselves. My time here is short, so I'll focus on the two main soulless vermin currently angling against the general human population: Zombies and Vampires.

Zombies, be they the bug eyed Haitian work slaves all the way to the blood 'n bile projectile vomiting rage racer, this pack hunting, foot soldier of the Un-Dead is seeing a lot of coverage in today's myspace era. Which is good. Jane Austen's work is now finally being fully disclosed with the zombie attacks at last returned to the original account and Hitler's foul up whilst dabbling with the occult has at long last been wisely declassified in this year's Zompire short: Diary of Anne Frank of the Dead. And anything by the late, great Max Brooks is a bug out bag MUST HAVE. What's a bug out bag?!? Look it up! Where was I?

Zombie misinformation. Let's think rationally for a bit; soft, dead teeth focusing on some of the hardest bones in our bodies, namely the skull? Yes, it is theatrical for the shambling hordes to moan “Braaaains” but in actuality these mindless pawns will savagely tear any and all flesh from your person for one simple reason: the dead hate the living. Remember, when a coworker tells you that “There are no zombie infestations!” You simply fire back “YET!” And remind yourself that this slack jawed coworker would potentially become a slack jawed walking worm hotel if it weren't for your random interjections of Un-Dead preparedness into daily water cooler conversation. But who is spreading lies about the organized animated dead? Surely not the lowly recently departed....VAMPIRES!

It is these, the princes and princesses of darkness that seek to cloud our sound bite and youtubed minds. Who would commit something as ridiculous as possessing no reflection to the minds of the living public? VAMPIRES that's who.

“SEE! I told you! There I am, plain as day, in the mirror right next to you. I couldn't POSSIBLY be a... what didja call it? A vam-pire?” CHOMP!

Speaking of plain as day, contrary to what one-time savior turned sympathizer John Carpenter will have you believe; vampires will NOT burst into flames at the mere exposure to sunlight. They can in fact move about just as you or I under the UV oppression of our nearest star. Albeit they cannot shift shape and are limited to our human spectrum of speed and strength, they can and do in fact mingle in daily society. Stoker knew this when he signed on to collect and publish the Harker's very real diaries and journals as tea room horror fiction and so should you.

In closing I commend you for taking the most important step and accepting the fact that the Un-Dead are in fact a very real threat. You have wisely chosen to ready yourself by attending these training sessions known simply as ZOMPIRE. So take it all in and in time your internal filter of what is there to make you a survivor and what is Twilight mind deadening fluff will allow you to make the informed decisions. Decisions from the complex which local structure will best suit your fortification needs to the base task of “letting the right one in”. Thank you for your time and in the hopefully NOT immortal words of the much missed Max Brooks: “There is no safe, only safer.”